Find Out Who Your Friends Are?

I have always understood that people will, I think drift is the wrong word, and so is separate, but drift is what I’ll use, drift apart as they get older. It makes perfect sense, some go to college; others don’t. Some get married young and start families; others work. I just never understood why am I always the person who has to make these friendships work? Were you actually my friend, or did you think you couldn’t shake me? After everything I’ve ever done, you barely can manage a “Happy Birthday” message on facebook, yet you can’t call; send a card, even a text message? Are you so self absorbed that nobody matters but you? Does it ever cross your mind what I might be up to? When my grandmother died, did you even think to ask me how I was doing? If I was okay, did I need anyone, even just someone to cry to? If I was upset over something could I even call you to vent, email you, anything? You always say, “we should catch up,” “we should hang out,” etc., but then you never follow through. I know we all have our lives, and I know we can’t chat constantly like high school and college allowed us, but just because I live miles from you, doesn’t mean I still don’t need a friend. What did I ever do to you? Why did you even “pretend” if that’s what it was? I don’t know what hurts more, to think that someone was pretending because they felt sorry for me or that someone could just give up on a friendship. I don’t even know if I have friends anymore. If I have a bad day I call my mom. I don’t even think to call a friend. Thankfully, my sister is back from camp, so I can call her, but how sad is it that I have no friends. Just family. Which is great, don’t get me wrong, but I sit here and think, wow it would be great to have a friend again. I think, sometimes, that my sister’s friends would help me before my own would. I’m going to my hometown next month, and I’m excited for the week off and some relaxation, but I can’t even say I’m going to see my friends. They want me to try, but it doesn’t ever seem worth it. I’d rather hang out with my parents. Maybe I am no fun, maybe it is no surprise. I don’t really know. All I know is that I want more than just a boyfriend and a family (who doesn’t even live near me!).

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