Back at it again

I am so thankful that I was able to spend a nice, relaxing weekend with my family. We had an internment ceremony for my grandparents’ at the Veteran’s cemetery, my mom and I did lots of shopping, I saw Breaking Dawn, and now that my weekend is coming to an end (although I have tomorrow off as well), I’ve got to get myself back into gear.
I’m thinking of giving up my monthly splurge on magazines and clothes, to join Weight Watchers or something. Being accountable only to myself is not working. I keep losing and gaining the same 3 pounds. It is very frustrating and I’m not happy with where I’m at. I don’t have a specific goal, I’ve never felt that my weight truly represents an accurate portrait of my size. I’ve worn small-ish pants and still only weighed 15 lbs less than what I do now. I’m not super tall, but I’m also not super short; I’m of average height. I have narrow shoulders, a wide chest, an average sized waist, and wide hips, butt, and legs or maybe I don’t and that’s just what I see.
Chris has always been loving and supportive of me. He doesn’t say that I need to lose weight or that I am too big or anything. I just think he and I both are unhappy with our current weight and size, and I think now that Thanksgiving is over, we can take this opportunity to lose some of our unwanted pounds.
I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!!!

Turkey Day

Images of Thanksgivings passed:

2010 at my parent’s house

2009 at Chris’s parents house

2008 at my parent’s house

2007

2003 or 2004

2002

1999
I won’t be with my family tomorrow, I’ll be with my mini family aka Chris and myself. We’re doing our own Thanksgiving. Although I’ll miss the family fun, I’ll be going back to my family on Friday. My mom said she bought a giant turkey, so there should be leftovers for me.
I am so thankful to have a loving boyfriend, a great family, a roof over my head, a job, and my health. Some people are not as fortunate as I am.
Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Bad Dreams

Usually when people have bad dreams, they scare them. My bad dreams make me sad. I haven’t been able to shake how sad it made me.
On April 23, 1999, my grandmother died. It was a Friday and I was in my school’s Spelling Bee. I was in 6th grade, finally having the competition in the gymnasium in front of a large number of people. I do not remember acknowledging that my grandmother wasn’t there, or that my mom wasn’t there. It did not seem weird to me, which, in hindsight, should have been a red flag. My grandmother was retired, only worked in the morning part time cleaning houses and had no reason not to show up.
We lost the Spelling Bee on the word “orator” we spelled it with an E. I do not remember if the plan was for me to just go home, or go back to class. My teacher gave me a big hug and told me to, “be strong.” I shrugged it off thinking, I lost, no big deal. Of course I’m upset, but I’ll get over it and see you on Monday. My dad drove my sister and me home, telling us my mom was busy, and could not get off work. Once again, I accepted it, I was only 12, and didn’t think anything of it.
My dad asked my sister and me to sit on the couch, and he read the 23rd Psalm to us because he had to tell us something important. It was very strange, but we sat there and listened. Then he told us, “Grandma Pat died this morning.” I remember screaming in horror, asking him if he was lying, how could it be, no she didn’t, why are you making this up, etc. I know it seems like such a crazy thought that I really thought my dad had made this up. That would be an awful, cruel joke.
My mom was a mess, I was a mess. I had a bike-a-thon or some nonsense the next day. My mom couldn’t go, so my cousin went with me and my best friend. It was weird.
Anyway, to get to the point of bad dreams. I had a dream last night that I was in my grandmother’s house, but someone else lived there. Obviously someone else does now. It made me so sad because I could not remember what her house looked like, at least all of it. I know she had 3 recliners and a couch in her living room, but how were they arranged? What wall was her bed on? Was there more than a desk in the back room? How many chairs were in the kitchen? I know it is so trivial, but it made me so sad. I have had 4 other grandparents die since then (yes, my mom’s parents divorced and both remarried before I was born) but the pain felt with this death is deeper, and is a hole I always think is sewn back up, but sometimes it isn’t all the way.
I miss her, a lot. That dream made me sad. I’ll cherish what I remember of her for the rest of my life. Here’s a photo of me and her:

I’m really thankful for the 12 years I had with her, and I hope that I can hold onto as many memories of her as possible.

Appearances

If you’ve looked at my blog, you’ve probably noticed that in the past week it has changed designs/layouts/etc. I finally, after hour upon hour on pinterest, decided what I really wanted it to look like. This is definitely more of what I like. So, with any luck, it will stay this way.
I kind of feel like this little girl in regards to the Chargers (Vikings) and any team they’ve played in the last 5 games…

My Weekend in Review

My weekend has not held too much excitement thus far.
I returned some black leggings, because, well, I don’t want to wear leggings until I feel that they flatter my body more.
I also returned a burgundy shirt, because, well I found some better things to spend my money on; after my lunch at Chipotle, of course.
I walked into Forever 21 and found something I had to have, this scarf:

Although this one is black, and I’d like a black one even if my mom says they’re boring, mine is purple. It is a pretty blue-ish purple. I wore it today with a pink sweater and it looked fantastic. The tag said the scarf was blue, but it is definitely purple.
Then, I had seen this on Pinterest, and found earrings to recreate it and I went ahead did so (note: this is not my ear, it is the image from pinterest)

Source: tumblr.com via Lindsay on Pinterest

I went to church, and think for once, that I will actually use our “Grow. Pray. Study” guide this week. I’ll least try my best. Thanksgiving is almost here so I am going to have to start thinking up my list of what I am most thankful for this year. I have some ideas. Oh, and to go back to church, we were talking about: “For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” Matthew 6:21 NIV. If you didn’t know, David Livingston when he died in Africa, they took his heart out and buried it in Africa, while sending his body back to England. The reasoning was that his body belonged in England, but his heart belonged in Africa. My pastor asked where they’d bury my heart, and I am so ashamed to say that the first thing that popped into my head was Nordstrom Rack. At the time I thought it was funny, but I think I need to rearrange some of my priorities.
Happy Sunday.
My afternoon involves some Chargers football, running errands, and taking care of a sick Cwisp. My boy is sick, he has a fever. Poor thing.

The Only One

I think I am the only one that didn’t partake in seeing Breaking Dawn Pt 1, even my mom went out with my cousins, my sister, and their friends. I wish I had been with them to go. Chris said he’d go with me, if I really wanted him to, but I won’t put him through that. Even though, maybe I should make him, be a good boyfriend and all.
We used to have this restaurant here, Spicy Pickle, and they had the best pickles, ever. They were so yummy, spicy, and delicious. They closed awhile back. I bought some sour garlic pickles at the grocery store, they don’t really compare, but are really good as well. And no, I’m not pregnant, I have always LOVED pickles. My mom and I used to eat “chips and cheese” (tortilla chips with melted cheese) and pickles as snacks and/or dinner. Like mother like daughter.
I am so thankful that Thanksgiving is almost here. My family is moving our dinner to Saturday, since I won’t be going to visit until Friday. But, my best friend aka my sister, will be working all weekend. Super lame, but I’ll spend time with Momma Benz and Poppa Benz. I can’t wait.
Have a great weekend.

Loose

Have you seen this commercial:
So hysterical. I envision that most people find that the clothes their mom wears are probably not what they would want to wear. Luckily, my mom is an okay dresser. She and I do not agree on everything, but she would never ask me to wear “loose” jeans that she kept in a bin forever. She likes to buy clothes (like I do) and then not wear them and give them to me. She’ll buy things that are too young, or buy them for a present, not remember where she put them, and have to give them to me at a later time. I was donating some things to the Salvation Army this weekend, and I thought to myself: I should give this to mom, the tags are still on it. Then it dawned on me, oh, she gave it to me.
I can not wait for Thanksgiving to see what might be in store for me to bring back that won’t cost me a dime.
Still sick, no gym for me until I get better. It is all stuck in my chest. Ugh, I don’t wish this cold upon anyone. Well there’s maybe one person, but I don’t like to name names.