Dear Past, Present, and Future Boys who will:
Break my heart, piss me off, make me angry, and/or make me cry,
First, my best friend will beat you up.
I know you think I might be kidding, but I am serious.
She will, don’t mess with her.
Second, my famous best friend, Ms. Lambert, has taught me some fighting words.
And if I were to throw punches, or throw some ‘bows, it would be to these words
(Or if I ever take up shooting like I’ve thought about):
“I’m goin’ home gonna load my shotgun
Wait by the door and light a cigarette.
If he wants a fight, well now he’s got one.”
“I’m gonna show ’em what little girls are made of:
Gunpowder and lead.”
“I’m giving up on love, ’cause loves given up on me.”
“Go and fix your make up girl, it’s just a break up
Run and hide your crazy, and start actin’ like a lady.
‘Cause I raised you better, gotta keep it together
Even when you fall apart
This ain’t my mama’s broken heart.”
“Powder your nose, paint your toes
Line your lips and keep ’em closed
Cross your legs, dot your I’s
And never let ’em see you cry.”
“‘Cause all the good ones got wedding rings and the young ones are just too dumb.”
“If it ain’t obvious what has set me off today
Behind every woman scorned, is a man who made her that way.”
“I can’t carry it on. I’ve got a lot of troubles of my own.”
Third, why would you even want to upset this cute little face:
Yes, that’s me.
When you try to upset me or piss me off, picture her.