I’m making cookies for my work potluck on Wednesday.  I’m lazy am making two ingredient pumpkin spice cookies:  Spice cake mix and pumpkin.  Easiest thing in the world.  Note: I can make cookies from scratch, and I do enjoy it, but I don’t have all that time to make cookies like that, so it will have to wait. 

Anyway, I’ve been kind of serious about blogging in my mind, but have not been putting that into action.  For right now, that requires me to explain me. 

For starters, I know that I have mentioned this, but I’ve recently lost a large amount of weight.  For any of you who have ever been in this position, you know what I’m going through.  I’ve spent most of my adolescent and adult life overweight.  I lost some weight in high school and college; never enough not to be deemed overweight, but some.  It never stuck.  I’ve fallen in love with fitness and exercise this time around, and overall enjoy healthy eating.  However, every single day is still a struggle.  I struggle with my old mentality of, I ate 3 Oreos, I need to run 1 mile.  That’s not the healthiest way of looking at food, plus Oreos and junk are not going to help me, no matter how few or how many calories they contain.  They are nothing but junk. 

I know that I need to eat real food.  Fruits, vegetables, meat, and whole grains.  I should limit my dairy intake, amongst other things.  I, however, still struggle.  It is difficult, because I love working out, and it is so hard to fit what I want done into my schedule.  I run 3 –4 days a week at lunch, for about 45 mins, and I end up covering around 4 miles.  It is slower than my treadmill runs, BUT it allows me to spend less time at the gym, which is a plus.  Planning what days to do what, is always a huge struggle for me.  It is so hard to judge what days I am going to want to work out more, and which I’m going to work out less.  I always make a rough schedule of what I want to do and need to do, but I try to be flexible. 

It is hard for people who don’t understand it, to see where my mind is.  Many people have spent their adolescent and young adult years with a rather thin physique and have gained weight with age.  They think I’m too thin (I’m not and I know I’m not) and they only know me as being heavier.  It is frustrating, when people tell you that you’re too thin.  In my mind, it is just as bad as being called too fat.  I’m not too thin, I’m barely into the healthy range for my height and weight.  I know that it isn’t always about that, but I’m feeling good about what I look like.  I’m really into maintaining and really tightening up some of the lose skin that I have.  That’s what I’m working on. 

However, the worst part.  The part that nobody understands.  The part that people try to understand and make me feel good about.  The fear of gaining back all the weight that I’ve lost.  I know that it would take some time, but the problem is that I’ve always gained it back.  I’ve always lost my motivation or my willpower, or when people say, it’s just one bad day, or one bad week.  I get it, one day, one meal, one week, they are not going to kill me.  However, turn that into weeks, months, days, etc., and I just might.  That’s what people don’t understand.  I have to live off at a minimum, a 75/25 philosophy.  75% it needs to be healthy, and the other 25% can be moderately unhealthy. 

Obviously, this is a lot to swallow.  It definitely is for me.  And even though I struggle everyday, most days I’m happy with the decisions I make in regards to healthy eating and fitness.  I also think that is the most important part. 

My new focus is truly going to be on trying to limit the amount of processed foods I eat.  I do eat on a budget, and I don’t always have the most time to cook massive amounts of food, so cutting out ALL processed food is unrealistic.  However, I do know that when I eat less of it, and more real food, I feel better.  I like that feeling.  I need to hold myself accountable to eating more veggies, even if that means making like a veggie juice and shoveling it in.  I eat carrots, and broccoli, most days.  But that’s only two servings, and I really should be eating more. 

I’m going to be holding myself accountable to small, health related goals (food, stress management, etc.).  Since I’m moving this week, I don’t have that many vegetables to eat, so I won’t be starting it this week, but I will hold myself accountable and make real goals.  Putting them publicly will hold me responsible. 

NOTE:  I am not depressed or angry with myself.  I’m just speaking the truth.  I do not have an unrealistic goal of what I want.  I speak in light of wanting to be healthy.  Healthy is more important than anything else. 

Enjoy your week! 


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