Fear…ful and less

These are the things I am most afraid of (I’m not too afraid of small things like the dark and bugs, etc.):

1.  Dying at a young age and not being able to fulfill my goals, hopes, and dreams.  I want to get married one day and start a family and I’ve always been afraid that something will prevent me from attaining that dream.  This isn’t my biological clock ticking (I’m not that old… although if you would have asked me 10 years ago I would have assumed I would be closer than I am right now).  There are so many people who don’t have this opportunity, whether they get ill, or they realize too late they are infertile, or they let go of someone who would have been the perfect companion.  It really does kind of scare me.

2.  Gaining back all of the weight that I’ve worked so hard to lose and keep off, and possibly even more.  Obviously nobody wants to gain back weight that they’ve lost.  Here’s the thing, I’ve been successful so far at maintaining (excluding a few pounds here or there) but I work hard, harder than most, to make sure it stays that way.  I’d love to not have to work as hard, but I’m afraid that my body is too used to what I’ve been doing and will freak out.  It isn’t my destiny to eat a bag of red vines a week and stay fit and healthy.

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3.  Anything remotely adventurous (skydiving, parasailing, etc.) and thrill seeking.  My boyfriend is convinced he will wear me down on this one.  That will not happen.  I have no desire to EVER get in a plane and then proceed to jump out.  I don’t like to ride big roller coasters, so I’m not sure why I’d ever want to do that.  I’m not afraid of heights, but parasailing freaks me out in the same way.  No, thank you.

4.  Letting people in and potentially being hurt deeply by them.  This was probably the hardest for me to admit.  I am a very reserved and closed off person (which seems weird because I don’t generally keep secrets and I’m sometimes quite the chatty Cathy).  No joke, I am afraid to let anybody into my special little world for fear of them hurting me.  It’s partially an anxiety issue, and partially a shy/timidness issue.  For people who are natural extroverts or like spending time with lots of people around they don’t quite understand it.  There are lots of things that I would love to blurt out to many people, but I am afraid of their response.  Going back to things that make me uncomfortable, this would go hand in hand with one of those topics.  I am a very emotional soul, and it is easy to hurt my feelings.  So, if I don’t let you in, you’re not as likely to hurt them.

Here’s to someday becoming more fear…less!

These blog topics have really forced me to come out of my comfort zone and really think and ponder different topics.  I’m glad that I’m participating in this, because if nothing else, it helps me to evaluate my own voice (writing voice not to be confused with my speaking voice) and to come to terms with where I am as a person, blogger, woman, etc.

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