A Struggle

I’d be lying if I told you I didn’t struggle with quite a few things.  It was hard for me to decide on one thing that I’ve been struggling with.  I struggle with money; I live paycheck to paycheck.  It is hard and I barely make ends meet.  I struggle with my relationships with people; I’m super shy and it is always a struggle for me to be open.  However, I’m going to talk about this struggle:

Body image after weight loss. 

I’m being pretty ballsy by putting these photos up here (and I think I put some a few weeks ago in a swim suit).  I bought these today and I’m mostly content with them. 

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It is such a struggle, this body image after weight loss and the way my body looks because in essence, I abused it for many years.  I yo-yoed back and forth.  My skin stretched and somewhat tightened up and then stretched again and so on.  My youthful skin is not as resilient as it may have been a long time ago. 

The struggle comes because I’ve worked so hard to get where I am, and I still don’t like what I’m seeing.  I know that many women hate bathing suit shopping.  I know it isn’t fun.  However, when you’ve worked so hard and continue to work at it, and the gains aren’t what you want, it is beyond discouraging.  I don’t want to lose any more weight or really get any smaller, I just want that part of my stomach that appears as if I’ve been pregnant to be gone.  I look like I’ve had children and I don’t have the children to have earned that appearance. 

My upper body is phenomenal, and although I’d like my legs to be a little more lean, I’m accepting of them.  It is that dreaded midsection.  And I struggle, because I know abs are made in the kitchen, but I can’t eat chicken and greens all day, I’d throw up. 

I’m working on less sugar and less processed food.  I feel better, and I know this will all take time, but I don’t know if I will ever not struggle with this.  I just want to feel somewhat comfortable in a bathing suit.  This is my biggest struggle, and it follows me everyday. 

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