Willpower

I used to have amazing willpower.  I used to pretend that I didn’t like potato chips or cake (well, I do like flavored potato chips, plain I could pass on and with cake I’m pretty good at forgoing cheap buttercream frosting on white/chocolate boxed/store bought cake.)  I gave up Diet Coke two years ago, well all soda in general except on airplanes (and then its only Ginger Ale or Dr. Pepper because this girl’s fear of flying trumps the anti-soda) and when it is in a mixed alcoholic drink that I can’t avoid.  However, I can normally avoid them.  My poison of choice is not usually a fancy, fruity mixed drink.  Anyway, last May I gave up candy for the whole month.  I survived but I completely started back up and went at it ten fold.  I’ve talked about this before, probably more than anyone wants to hear.  I work my tail off in the gym.  I lift heavy and hard and although it is apparent that I do this, I’m still not a fan of where my eating habits have landed me.  I would say that I had probably been at a 60/40 clean eating lifestyle.  That’s not really good enough.  I feel as if I work too hard in the gym to not see the gains due to my eating habits.  So, I’ve had the best intentions to fix that.  But then I got sick, then it was my birthday and the super bowl and Valentine’s Day and I went on a trip with my parents (who only eat like random food, hello Doritos, avocado, and red vines for dinner???) and then my mom came to visit and now I’m freaking sick again.  Oh and then yesterday (I didn’t go to work to try and sleep off said sickness) my wonderfully clean lunch (chicken, green beans, brown rice) and snacks (cut up veggies and fruit; yogurt) were thrown away in the fridge cleaning day.  That I didn’t know about.  Seriously?  This girl can’t catch a break.  Anyway, rant over. 

I don’t like to cook, I’m pretty good at it, but I hate it.  The preparation, the dishes, trying to decide what goes together, portions, if it will taste good as leftovers, etc.  That’s why this eating clean thing drives me crazy.  I don’t have a microwave at home so creating lots of things once a week isn’t really a good plan for me.  For my lunches, sure, but not for dinner.  And then I end up throwing crap together and eating weird stuff (like tonight’ dinner, eggs + cabbage + spinach + salsa = no good) or I eat cereal.  That is something I need to stop buying.  And I really like this boy (okay, I love this man) who eats cereal, yogurt, pb & j, and nachos on the daily and is fit and thin no question asked.  Granted, yes, he is a man and life handed them testosterone, but sometimes I’d rather just eat what he’s eating. 

The whole point of this? I’m practicing my willpower by giving up candy and ice cream for Lent.  Yep, it will be tough but I’m going to make my cheat/treat whatever you want to call them meals not sweets.  I gotta lay off the sugar.  I just want to feel less like a balloon and more like the attractive girl that I am.  Not to get all gross on you, but I definitely look way better with clothes on than I do off.  I kinda want to change that.  I took some pics in a bathing suit and I’m not happy.  So, we will see how it all goes.  I have no reason for today to not be a good, totally clean eating day.

I’m rambling, but sometimes you just have to share.  Have a great Thursday! 

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